Author: Brianna Fasulok

My parents were neat freaks, a clean house is all I ever knew. However, as a new parent myself, I quickly realized that setting realistic expectations was key to maintaining my sanity. I had all these visions (social media influenced ideals) of what parenting would be like—everything neatly scheduled, a perfectly clean house, and a baby who slept through the night. But reality hit HARD. The house is almost always a mess, my baby’s sleep schedule is unpredictable, and I’m constantly canceling/adjusting my plans.

I felt overwhelmed and frustrated, and absolutely convinced there was something wrong with me. I cried to my own mum about how I couldn’t seem to ever catch up or get it together. I joked while tears were running down my face that I must have been a perfect baby that slept all the time because there’s no way she could have been able to keep it all together either. She laughed at first but then realized just how broken hearted I must have been because she suddenly became very serious and told me it’s time to stop crying and face some truths. What she said next, I will NEVER forget.

With a stern look on her face, she grabbed my hand and said “There is not a single mother, NOT ONE, who can do this without the help of others and come out as “picture perfect”. What you do not realize is that when you were a baby and all through your toddler years, our house was a mess too. It was a beautiful mess full of loved toys, family dinners, and just life happening so very quickly.. but still a mess. It wasn’t until you started school that our house was “clean”.

She proceeded to tell me that I needed to let go of the idea that everything needs to be perfect. That these “icons of perfection” she said in a snarky voice were doing me no good at all. What I am not seeing is that these “perfect moms” have entire teams of people helping them that we are blissfully unaware of. They are hiring cleaners, using meal delivery services, ordering pre-made meals, or have sitters on standby if they are doing these things themselves. It is absolutely impossible to do everything, get a full nights sleep, and a well kept house.

Setting some realistic expectations as a new parent is crucial for maintaining your well-being and fostering a positive environment for both you and your baby. Adjusting to parenthood involves balancing your personal needs, your baby’s needs, and the demands of daily life. It will get easier the older they get.

After I dried my face, collected my things and headed back home, I had a new understanding of what was realistic. Instead of aiming for a perfect day, I started setting small, achievable goals, like getting outside for a walk or taking a 10-minute break for myself. It’s still tough, but lowering my expectations actually helped me embrace the chaos and focus on what truly matters: taking care of my baby and myself.

Here are some of the things I did to set achievable expectations and navigate the early stages of parenting with more confidence and less stress:

Understanding That Perfection is Unrealistic

Perfection is an unattainable standard, and expecting everything to go perfectly can lead to unnecessary stress and disappointment. Accept Imperfection. Recognize that it’s normal to make mistakes and experience challenges. Embrace the learning process and allow yourself to grow into the role of a parent. Focus on Progress. Celebrate small victories and progress rather than striving for perfection.

Setting Manageable Goals

Establishing realistic and achievable goals helps you stay focused and reduces overwhelm. Prioritize Tasks. Identify key priorities for each day, such as feeding, sleeping, and basic self-care. Avoid overloading your to-do list with non-essential tasks. Break Down Your Goals. Divide larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps to make them less daunting.

Being Flexible with Your Routine

Babies have unpredictable schedules, and flexibility is essential for managing their needs and your own. Adapt to Changes. Be prepared to adjust your routine as needed based on your baby’s changing sleep patterns, feeding times, and developmental milestones. Allow for Spontaneity. Embrace the spontaneity that comes with parenting, and be open to changing plans when necessary.

Managing Your Time Realistically

Time management is crucial but can be challenging with a newborn. Setting realistic timeframes helps you avoid feeling rushed or overwhelmed. Plan Around Baby’s Needs. Create a daily schedule that includes time for feeding, naps, and bonding. Allocate extra time for tasks that may take longer than anticipated. Use Your Time Wisely. Utilize short periods of downtime to tackle small tasks or rest.

Seeking Support and Delegate

Parenting is a collaborative effort, and seeking help from others can make the transition smoother. Ask for Help. Reach out to family, friends, or support groups for assistance with tasks such as meal preparation, household chores, or childcare. Delegate Responsibilities. Share parenting duties with your partner or other caregivers to balance the workload.

Managing Your Expectations for Self-Care

Self-care is important but may need to be adapted during the early stages of parenthood. Set Realistic Self-Care Goals. Aim for small, achievable self-care activities, such as taking short breaks, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in a hobby. Prioritize Basic Needs. Ensure you’re meeting your basic needs for sleep, nutrition, and relaxation.

Educating Yourself Gradually

Parenting involves a continuous learning process. Educate yourself at a pace that feels manageable. Start with the Basics. Focus on fundamental parenting skills and gradually expand your knowledge as you become more comfortable. Seek Reliable Sources. Use trusted resources such as books, parenting classes, and professional advice to guide you.

Communicating Openly with Your Partner

Effective communication with your partner helps manage expectations and share responsibilities. Discuss Roles and Responsibilities. Have open conversations about each parent’s roles and expectations to ensure a balanced approach. Share Feelings and Concerns. Regularly communicate your feelings, challenges, and needs to foster mutual support.

Adjusting Expectations Based on Baby’s Needs

Each baby is unique, and your expectations should align with their individual needs and development. Observe and Adapt. Pay attention to your baby’s cues and adjust your expectations based on their behavior and needs. Be Patient. Allow time for both you and your baby to adjust to new routines and challenges.

Practicing Self-Compassion

Being kind to yourself is essential for managing the stress of new parenthood. Acknowledge Efforts. Recognize and appreciate your efforts and accomplishments as a parent, even if they seem small. Forgive Yourself. Be gentle with yourself when things don’t go as planned, and avoid self-criticism.

Setting realistic expectations as a new parent involves embracing imperfection, managing your time and goals wisely, and seeking support when needed. By understanding the challenges of new parenthood, adjusting your expectations, and practicing self-compassion, you can navigate this transitional period with greater ease and confidence. Remember, parenting is a journey filled with learning and growth, and it’s important to be patient and flexible with yourself and your baby.